wrapping up my holiday heart

2014 has come and gone and in so many ways it was so so blessed. Lots of good and some hard things sprinkled along the way and it seemed that this past holiday season was a climax of sorts for our family. We are still recovering right alongside Chris after his total hip replacement. You'd think that his young age in terms of the average for this kind of surgery would be super advantageous but it hasn't proven to be the case for him - he is making great strides each day and is now only walking with a cane but he's been limping for two years and his muscles are slow to get the message that he can walk again and driving is still out of the question to so we are still in many ways cozied up as a family recovering and overwhelmed with gratitude and the goodness once again poured out for our our family through so  many amazing hands over the season through prayers, meals, notes and visits!

I also wrapped up the first six months with Rebekah Gough Jewelry this season. It was so so fun to get my hands creating again and I actually sold out of the entire line!! I have been praying hard about the next phase for my little business and am beyond excited about the ideas God has laid on my heart. I am equally praying about this space and feeling a deep draw back into sharing more frequently here on my blog all the comings and goings of our family, my heart wants to jump in again.

The kids and I are making big plans to continue on with Friday Pieday this year - I know it's a huge commitment but seriously can't even believe how much it means to them (and me) to spend that time building tradition together. We might not always make an actual pie we might occasionally do a cake or something equally delicious but I am publicly committing to making time to bake with my kids once a week - wondering if any of you would like to join us?

The other project that was stirred up again over the holidays through a couple of sweet conversations with my SIL, Rachel as well as my new friend Bridget was Dinner at Eight. My marriage needs it, my heart needs it and truthfully I miss that intentional time each month making much of the relationship God has given me in my husband and spoiling him with a really fun date night at home. Definitely hoping you might consider joining me on that project too!

The one project though that I can't decide if I should keep or finally let go of is Ten on Ten. My beloved monthly ritual I still love with all my heart but with all of the newer photo projects around each month I feel insecure that it's gotten boring..just thinking about it but will be doing it this month for sure no plans to officially retire it just yet.

Over the holidays I spent some time praying about a new theme for the year too. Last year I picked the word RISE and although I didn't blog about it much it was certainly an incredible resource in my life in so many ways - the Lord used it so many times to grab my attention and speak truth and love into my heart. I even ran my first half marathon this past year in an effort to rise above the ways I see myself - to stretch the limits of what I saw was possible to accomplish. I love picking a theme for the year!

I was considering Follow Through as a good theme to grab for 2015 and told Chris that I thought it might be perfect. I so struggle with following through on many things in my life (you should see my inbox!) and truly before the Lord I want to work on that. But just the other morning as I was reading in Ruth, God almost audibly gave me my word - He said: PARTAKE - I don't want you striving out of a need to prove your worth and harshly work on being a better person, I want you to instead Partake in the goodness all around you. The things I have laid on your heart, soak those in. Partake in the life I've given you and ask me for more but don't settle for the "try hard" mantra that will only lead you to yourself.

So I have picked the word PARTAKE this year to be my theme. It's not easy to receive I like to be the one accomplishing things that are measurable and likable and attainable but I feel a pressing on my heart to simple receive from the Father more goodness than I could ever imagine and out of that filling up be motivated by love and joy to build His kingdom!

So with that and all my crazy ramblings - I am welcoming 2015 with open arms and hope to share a ton of it here with you too! Hope your year is off to a great start - Happy New Year, friends! xoxo

full heart friday

I've felt pretty melancholy the past few weeks, not unusual for this massive introvert but some seasons are harder than others. I think in the back of my mind I am constantly taking note of all of the things I am not getting to - you know that feeling (I know you do) or dreams and ideas that you really want to pursue but there is never enough time in the day. Or like me that constant choice of which thing do I tackle next because I know I can't do it all and when I choose one the others are going to suffer…such a constant battle for me and can be such a source of discouragement.

Today I wanted to turn my heart towards the little things that fill my up and focus on those and trust that the Lord is working out all the rest in his timing and that no matter what it's always enough to simply wake up and walk in the light of what He has for us and not worry that I am not doing all.the.things.

The boys got out early today and Nana came for a visit. She let me run errands, work on my jewelry for awhile and even grab a run before dinner (a new little passion of mine that truly does fill me up). There is always so much to be thankful for when we stop and look around. This morning as I was getting Simon and Levi out the door and the rain was lightly misting I spotted a tiny humming bird drinking from our gorgeous fuchsia - the day laying out soft and still and welcoming and no need for me to freak out and come up with a list of why I am going to fail..

Toady was a nice simple day and I am looking forward to the weekend too, hope you all have a wonderful one and that you know that you are totally enough right where you are at even in the midst of pursuing all the things He's got on your heart!

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecc 3:11

some things.

These past few weeks have felt a bit like a whirlwind around here. I had the chance to travel not once but twice to two different cities to share life with some of the most generous and beautiful women whom I have met and known through the online community and they've become real life friends now. I can't even express in words what these weekends have meant to me. I am sure I will be downloading thoughts over the next few weeks as my heart processes everything.

It was so nice to wake up in my own bed this morning though. Early risers around here so before seven we had our younger two squirming away with lots of kisses and giggles. Of course the moment I finally slipped into the shower my sweet three year old girl wanted to join me and so I obliged her request. She just loves a hot shower and was a happy little camper in there so I decided to dry off and get ready while she played a bit more in the steamy water. As I worked away on my makeup and hair she kept calling to me little thoughts and ideas. Requests for more cups and toys. Giggles. Mommy can I have more soap. Mommy what about a towel. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. I was listening and multitasking and basking in the glow of being home with my kiddos and feeling alive again in my spirit, something that has felt all too dry and parched for the last few years.

Mommy come look into my face, so I can tell you some things. 

Her words stopped me in my tracks and my heart in it's tender, stirred up state heard it again.

come look into my face, so I can tell you some things…

I dropped my brush and ran to the shower and got down on my knees to inspect her beautiful face. I looked into her gray eyes and with tears stinging my own I said I am here Josie and I love you and I am so very honored to be your mom and I want to listen to all the things.

Jesus spoke to my heart this morning through my little girl and reminded me of the biggest take away from these weeks of being stirred up and stripped bare and wrung out and poured over. He said, Rebekah just look into my face because I want to tell you all the things I have. I don't need you to multi task and go about your day doing what you think you are suppose to do to earn enough grace or validity or points to make it worth it. Just keep your eyes locked on mine and trust me that I love you and I am so honored that you are my daughter. Don't look around at what others are doing or look down and get lost in the vision you think you need to carry out. Come, look into my face so I can tell you some things.

I've got my eyes open in a new way and I am feeling the freedom and steadiness that we can find in our Saviors face.

Don't lose heart, don't lose faith. Keep believing in the things that He's called to you. When you're tired,  when you're faint, look deep into the eyes of your Savior's face  and you will find your resting place. You'll see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. -Jenny Simmons 

As you begin this new week may you know full well how deeply loved you are. Not because of all you do or don't do or how you think you might matter or don't measure up. But simply because you are a part of a family and there is a God who sees you, his child and He longs to look into your face too and tell you things. 

(Lyrics from The Becoming - I made a friend in Jenny Simmons this weekend at the HopeSpoken conference - her voice and heart are so big for the Lord you can find her blog and music HERE)

making much

This morning I sat in on a webinar led by the inspiring Laura Casey. If you are not familiar with her make sure to check out her site and story when you get a second. It's a new one for me but I have been deeply blessed by her words and life so much recently. The webinar was a freebie to all of us who purchased Laura's 2014 Powersheets - I received them about a week ago and have just been staring at them kind of nervous and worried to dive in and "make a mess" as she would say of the stuff that is on my heart to go after.  

The Powersheets are designed to help you focus on the things that matter most to you and how to really simplify all the other stuff that gets our attention in order to move forward on the dreams and goals that are constantly being pushed aside for lack of time. I kept thinking about my post yesterday the entire hour as Laura shared and how I had just written about feeling uninspired, in a slump, stuck so to speak and it occurred to me that maybe I am feeling this way because I am sitting back participating in the feast of comparison that is so easy to feed my mind and heart with through social media. 

Laura challenged us to really honestly think about how much time we spend on Facebook and Instagram...I conservatively wrote down 14 hours per week but would not be shocked if it was more like 28 hours. TWENTY EIGHT HOURS!!! Sitting there looking at my cute pink iPhone clearly picking apart how I don't add up as a mother, wife, friend, daughter, artist, blogger, creative because I am looking at someone else's beauty...reality check much? Oh man it was such a great eye opener to realize that half the problem here for me is that I desire to make my life look like much instead of making much of my life...yeah I said it. I value fitting in and connecting online and then get out that big old measuring stick every ten minutes to see if I am enough. Meanwhile the rest of my world is shrinking. Not to say all of social media is bad but I do think it can become an issue if given too much power and I am admitting it can be an issue for me. 

This is all kind of a major brain dump here but you guys were so so gentle with me yesterday as I confessed to needing to just write a bit about what's going on in my mind - thank you for that truly! Honestly I do want to make much of my life, we all do right? But how to start? First of all I think we need to ask ourselves why we do all the things that we do - not just how...we need to make clear why we spend our time the way we do, like why do I like to make stuff? 

I like to make stuff because when I focus my mind and hands on creating something beautiful with what I have it helps me feel closer to the one who created me and in doing so is an outpouring of worship. But here's a closer look...I have always wanted to be a part of encouraging other women to go after making beauty in the form of maybe teaching classes or workshops. My husband works at a rescue mission with a women's recovery program and he is constantly encouraging me to come down and host a craft hour. Why haven't I done it? Because I don't think I am "ready" or "good enough a crafter" to inspire someone else to make beauty. 

Blogging has given me that outlet in a safe and controlled way but what if I were to peel back the layers of my passion and dreams a bit more - the fear I am feeling is simply not wanting to jump out and try something more for fear of it not being perfect. 

This is where I get stuck and why I distract myself with social media because it keeps me busy and convinced that I will never add up to enough to go after my dreams because everyone else is doing it better. 

I need to start focusing on the why's because in doing that I can ask God to give me the courage and strength to stretch myself and have a clear goal in mind. It says in proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. A few days ago Laura wrote about how we can be so afraid to make a plan because we don't want to get in God's way of doing "His will for our lives" the problem is if we don't make a plan God can't change the plans and help us move forward better...we are simply just waiting. 

Carpe Diem right..make something more with what has been given!

phew...maybe enough overexposing for one day here but I am really relishing this chance to capture what's on my heart during this season. I have so many more ideas and things rumbling around and I plan to really get after my Powersheets next and make a little by little, as Laura would call it, plan to go after the fullness of life that God has given me to live out.

One more little thought from the mouth of one of my babes for today though...about a year ago our little Levi who is really in love with art and drawing and making fun projects was sitting at the table with my husband. They were talking about life and Chris made the offhand comment that "wow Levi you are really good at art when you get older maybe you will become an artist" Levi looked up from his paper right in his eyes confused and he said "but Daddy I already am an artist"

Truth. It's in you, it's in me, let's get after it! xoxo

inspiration daily

I've been feeling so creatively zapped the past few months and what's worse is that I know it shows. I can't put my finger on it specifically but no matter what I do it's been hard to will myself to make something basically because I have, for one reason or another added this unspoken pressure onto my shoulders that if I am going to use my rare, precious free time to make something than it has to be perfect. Completely unique and original, photographed and made into a tutorial, be featured on craft gawker and adored by pretty much everybody…ha! Wow that's probably a little more revealing than I wanted to be but hey we're all friends here and I am in a creative slump so I am letting it all hang out like a sloppy glue gun.

Truthfully blogging and crafting has taken on a different shape for me mentally and if I am honest I sort of miss the old days. The days were I let it all hang out about my dire need for a fresh faced style after a mortifying shoe shopping trip when my second born was just a few months old (read about that here)…the days were I would share about how I stuffed some ugly dried roses in a jar and shared a mediocre picture of them to my friends online because that's what inspired me during nap time..I wasn't really worried about the numbers or the promotion of it all. I really have always been bad at that. I miss the days when a bunch of us kind of all just jumped in together and started searching for the beauty in the everyday and called it Ten on Ten, not because it was the best name in the world but because we wanted to work together on inspiring each other to do our days well in whatever shape and form they looked…I loved that season so much.

I still love blogging but the creative juices ebb and flow - I just hate it when I get fearful of not being enough, not producing enough good content, not having the most instagram followers or whatever. Is this making sense? Anyways this morning Levi asked me for a pom pom to glue onto a face he was making and it all of a sudden spurred my heart on to figure out how to make the loopy fork version because I have been wanting to for so long and never really had the time.

These took me like ten minutes and so far have been a ton of fun to play with. I don't know what I am going to do with them when I am finished…maybe just give them to my six year old to glue onto things or stuff em in a jar but all I know is it just felt good to make something out of nothing for no reason. I felt inspired again and I loved it!

Stacy and I had a long talk yesterday about creativity in the age of social media. Feeling deeply passionate about both but struggling in that balance of how not to find our identity wrapped up too tightly in how it's all "suppose to look". We are just missing the old days of blogging when it was all a bit less polished and more about sharing from our hearts. For the next week or so I think I am going to just try posting about what's going on in my brain as I juggle four kids and a husband who is deeply passionate in ministry. Giving myself freedom to have fun here and not worry so much about what everyone thinks, you know what I mean? Does any of this resonate with you? I would so love to hear your thoughts…feeling kind of vulnerable but really wanting to push forward and share freely like I use to!

Also I am willing to post a tutorial on how to make these little fork pom poms if anybody is interested just let me know…hoping you're feeling inspired in some way today!

ps. they kind of look like Seahawks pom poms :) can't wait for the game Sunday!

my darling

(photo credit)

My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” - Song of Solomon 2:10-13

My sweet friend Alisha spoke this scripture over me the other night even before I told her that my word for the year was Rise! The words came tumbling out of her mouth like beautiful soothing honey for my soul and I began to weep for I knew it was from Jesus spoken through her straight to my heart.  I can not get it out of my head. I wanted to share it with you too in case you needed to be reminded that you are a darling, beautiful one and Jesus is calling you to come away with Him, that whatever was holding you back in the past or has you locked in fear in the present (speaking to myself right now) is not to big a burden for Him to bear...happy Monday, beautiful!

a new year

I have never been one for making big new years resolutions but I do love that feeling of a brand new slate full to the brim with hope and possibility. This year I was inspired to choose a word to focus on over the next twelve months. I wasn't really sure where to start in finding the right one but a few days ago the Lord put Rise on my heart in a big way and although it isn't as flashy or pretty as some of the others I was considering, I like it - I am feeling the depth hidden in the many meanings and I am so looking forward to embracing it in 2014. God also put this verse out of Isaiah on my heart and so I am embracing it too as my verse for the new year:

Arise from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have have kept you-rise to a new life! Shine, be radiant with the glory of the Lord, for the light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you! Isaiah 60:1

Here are just a few ways I am hoping to Rise in the coming days:

Rise earlier to embrace each day as a gift and to prepare my heart for all that God has in store
Rise above fear that holds me back from really pursing the things that God has entrusted me with
Rise above what I think others want me to be and focus on who I am as a daughter of Jesus
Rise to a fuller potential and be bolder in my faith

So what about you did you make any resolutions or choose a word to embrace this year? I am so looking forward to what 2014 has in store - many blessings friends and happy new year!

whirling

Oh this season, it has been whirling by and it feels at times that I don't have much to show for it. I haven't unpacked all of the decorations and lights and probably won't, no gift guides or cookie baking weekends or big holiday parties. The elf has been left on the same shelf multiple times to the frustration of my seven year old son who so desperately wants to keep believing a little longer.

I did finally get the kids set up on a salt dough ornament activity last week after the craziest morning that had already pushed me to my limit. I soldiered on though because they were all so excited and had my camera out to share about the morning here on the blog. I turned my back for a minute and the baby took a giant bite of dough, started gagging and projectile vomited all over my pretty crafting table and everyone's masterpieces…three times.

I know how incredibly funny that is -  but it was pretty frustrating at the time…I often hate how annoyed I get when my big dreamy expectations of what the holidays are suppose to look like aren't met. I wish I was better at shrugging it off and laughing and embracing but it's not always easy for me, I am still learning.

This morning we woke up to a beautiful blanket of snow and news that the last day of school for the year had been cancelled so we all ran around outside for a good while soaking it in before heading into the warm house for hot cocoa and breakfast. I've resorted to the fact that I won't get to all the christmas crafting tutorials I had lined up, or the handmade gifts sitting on my desk. But this weekend my little girl is dancing in her first ballet at just three years old and, wow that will be magical for sure!

I don't want to miss it. I don't want to let my expectations of what Christmas is suppose to look like interfere with what Christmas is. I know that two thousand years ago a baby was born in a dirty stable to a mother who had no idea what to expect - and when hope and life is laid in your hands sometimes it doesn't look perfect or easy or how you want it to. I don't want to miss the whirling reality that Jesus came to earth and brought within himself the kind of love that I can't fathom but only accept as a beautiful gift.

So this season I am choosing to try to be present and to do the things on my list with a little more joy than feels possible and to see the magic and wonder in the eyes of my children just a little longer…I am going to leave the salt dough ornaments for another year though.

I will be back in 2014 to share more of our life in this place online that I love - I hope you have a wonderful holiday season my friends and know that even if it doesn't all look perfect it is full of hope and life and more love than you can fathom and it's all still worth it! Merry Christmas! xoxo

updates and blessings

These past few weeks have been crazy for our family and I have been trying to write this post for a few days now, feeling like I want to share a tiny glimpse into our world because I love to share here with my readers but it's feeling difficult to know how to do so fully. So bear with me or skip over this post if you want I promise to have more creative fun stuff here in the near future!

I have fallen pretty behind on several exciting collaborations in the works and my inbox is a nightmare but we've had so many things vying for attention and so I have been working on being present with my family fully when I need to be and have let the to do list pile up a bit.

Our littlest guy had some routine surgery a little over a week ago and he has been recovering really well from that (praise Jesus) and our two middle children have celebrated birthdays - lots of full life happening...but nothing could have prepare me for the crazy day we had this past week when our 18 month old took a nasty spill early in the morning and ended up needing to be rushed to two different hospitals throughout the day. It was a day for the books full of tests and scans and worrying that stopped me in my tracks and has centered my heart more clearly on the most important things in this most fragile life.

Zeb is going to make a full recovery with only a dramatic concussion - a diagnosis I do not take lightly and a true blessing from above! But the events of this week really rocked me to my core seeing your child in danger is so very gut wrenching. But the most incredible gift through it all was the body of Christ rallying around our family during the time we were at the hospital. The text messages and phone calls and prayer chains, the warm meals that friends brought over that night, the tears of joy that baby Zeb is totally fine...those things "wrecked my heart for good" as I put on Instagram.

The night before the accident Chris and I sat at our kitchen table talking about prayer and spiritual warfare. About all that God is doing around us - the things God is calling us to. He read a few scriptures over me that a friend of his shared with him, specifically for my heart. For some personal things I have been battling through from my childhood over the past 3.5 years. We talked about the future and Chris's job at the Union Gospel Mission here in Seattle and his heart for joining all the hands of the local churches to come together and serve our city and the poorest of the poor in tangible ways.

And during the ordeal on Wednesday we talked more about how amazing it is that through trials and attacks love suddenly floods to the center of all relationships. The silly differences and quips, the things that really don't matter at all but keep us from being close to one another - they fly out the window and we cling to each other in hope. I have a new view on trauma, on inner trauma on the things we battle silently each day. How would we treat each other if we knew what was going on on the inside for our friends. Would we reach out differently? Would we love one another and listen more intentionally would we cast off our own need for acknowledgements and hurts in order to embrace one another in our humanity?

Oh Jesus thank you for protecting our family once again I know that so often hard things happen and a happy ending is not always the way, so for that I am so deeply grateful to God that he allowed us to smile again when Zeb made the "meow" noise at the silly stuffed animal the hospital brought him. And the "cheers" he gave grandma and grandpa with his bottle when we brought him home! But feeling deeply more and more that I want to lean into my fears and faith and go big - love big - dream big - for this is the only life we have, this is the only today we have and God is a big God so we need to stretch out and have big faith!

I am so hoping to be more present in this space in this coming holiday season. I have a new prompt for this months Ten on Ten to share and lots of fun collaborations too. But you know, life happens and I know for many of you you're battling through tough life right now too. I just want you to know that above all I care about that stuff. As much as I love creating DIY's to share and recipes and giveaways, I actually really care about you and want to be available as much as I can. As I wrote on Instagram I feel so compelled to pray for you if there is something specific on your heart that needs prayer. Don't hesitate to email me and let me know - now I can't promise a quick response but I will try - but know that I do pray to a big God who loves so wildly and deeply and has set us free. I hope you're having a great weekend...I will be back with more soon I promise! xoxo

thursday through my lens :: homegrown

I have to admit these photos make me so giddy. I seriously don't know what I did to deserve this huge bounty of homegrown tomatoes this year. I did nothing but plant five wimpy little free tomato plants into an empty space in one of our flower boxes last spring. We didn't fertilize them or anything. I tried to water everyday or have one of the kids do it and the sunshine has been outstanding this summer too so I am sure that has something to do with it, but seriously these tomatoes are to good to be true and they make me so happy.

I have always wanted to grown things but I can hardly keep succulents alive literally - my thumb is far from green. Lately though I have been reminded that we are all a continuous work in progress and there is always room to grown and develop new skills.

As we head into fall and the holiday season right around the corner we are excited to celebrate our third Christmas in this little rental home Jesus blessed us with all those summers ago. I can hardly believe we have welcomed a baby here and now sent our two oldest off to Kindergarten from this very spot. We have painted and nested and planted tomatoes and herbs and met our neighbors and found our way to a new church...in many many ways we still feel like we are in limbo, an in between stage that we never planned on when God chose to turn our lives upside down. But suddenly I realize how tightly I shut my eyes during that season to ward off the pain and fear and denial that was threatening to creep up - I hit the pause button, but life has kept on the way it does.

These simple sweet homegrown tomatoes are reminding me that HE has been doing a good work in our lives weather or not I have been fully aware. He has a plan and has invited us to be a part of that and so tenderly nurtures us into our gifts and desires. He gives good gifts all the time and surprises us with things we never even knew we wanted or needed.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6)

So I am once again blown away and so thankful for the goodness that has been given, not just in the tomatoes but in my heart softening to what He has planned for us. And I am overwhelmed with this bounty of yumminess, what should I make with these delicious tomatoes - can't wait to sink my teeth into them!

thursday through my lens :: ice cream cones

Chris took our older two boys the other night to a really fun birthday party and Josie was especially sad to be left out. We had a few errands to run just the babies and me and so I promised her an ice cream cone on our way home if they were good. They were and so we stopped for soft serve cones and on an impulse I decided to get one for Zeb too since he just loves being included on anything the big kids get. He hasn't really had much ice cream though and never his own cone.

I handed Josie hers and then watched Zeb's eyes grow to the size of silver dollars when I handed him one. He was seriously beaming with pride, but all he knew to do was hold the cone..and it started dripping. Josie was showing him how to lick it but instead he started waving it around smiling the entire time and smooshing it onto his pants. I reached back just a few blocks from our house and weaseled it out of his hands and seriously I have never heard him scream and cry the way he did when I took it away - he was furious and so sad and had huge tears streaming down his face. Josie and I were totally cracking up it was pathetically cute.

I managed to get him out of the car and onto the grass in front of our house before handing it back and grabbed my camera - it was so much fun watching him try out such a simple pleasure with his big sister. He kept saying "cheers" and smashing his cone onto Josie's and eventually he got some of it into his mouth. It didn't last long our little ice cream party and a bath was much needed afterwards but those sweet moments with them are forever burned on my heart. This job is the hardest thing I have ever done but the rewards are ten fold too and I am blessed, I am oh so very blessed indeed!