I haven't taken hardly any photos the past two weeks. I haven't been on email much or even some of my favorite social media sites. Instead I have been quietly considering so many things on my heart. On New Years Eve I was having coffee with Kristen and as we were reviewing the holiday season and what the new year has in store I confessed to her that I felt like I have been on "pause" the past twelve months. 2012 brought us many new, wonderful things most notable our adorable baby boy, Zeb who is just the biggest gift all the way around.
But when the Christmas season began I realized how uninspired I have been. I didn't unpack even half of our decorations and I felt a bit almost embarrassed at the way our home made me feel. Please do not miss-hear me though we are truly blessed to live in a wonderful house (not ours but we rent from family so it's obviously a great situation!) But I haven't put my stamp on this house at all really. Most advice is to hold off and not put too much elbow grease or money into a rental space since we would hope to move one day soon and own our own home again. But realistically that dream is not very near in realization. Truthfully making ends meet is hard enough let alone saving for a down payment.
Kristen looked me in the face and said "Rebekah, I believe we are called to bloom where we are planted. I think you need to dive in with your whole heart and let down your guard and let this home in" It's not my old home, in so many ways I am still mourning the loss of so many things in our life including our old house. But I so knew exactly what Kristen was talking about in that moment and something shifted.
I came home, told Chris and he jumped right on board. He senses how isolated I have become and not excited about hosting things in our home or being proud to show the world the space I have created for my family. So my new years resolution has begun. This home is a rental so we won't be taking down any walls or changing the big stuff like flooring and cabinets but I am committing to do what we can do to make this house feel just like us. To reflect my heart and creativity and to do it all on a MAJOR budget! I am excited and overwhelmed and a busy little bee over here and I can not wait to show you every step of the way!
So tomorrow is the first instalment of Ten on Ten for the year and I am looking forward to it! Hope you all will join me...I will be dusting off my camera for the first time in 2013!!
Happy New Year Friends, looking forward to all that it holds!
Also the winners of the Elevate the Everyday book giveaway are: Amber, PeaceMama and Katie Lenkeek! Send me your address rebekah(dot)gough(at)gmail(dot)com so we can get you your prize!
I have been feeling the same way - I hope I will start to feel inspired again this month! We just sold our first house and are living in my grandma's old house. It's finally feeling like "ours" with the renovations but no decorating has been done and I just don't feel like doing anything..I've lost all my gusto, including for blogging and social media (really just this week as I've had severe writers block). I have a lot of anxiety about baby boy #2 joining us in April...just trying to hold on for the ride. I haven't taken many photos lately either - maybe tomorrow I can sneak out at lunch and do some 10 on 10. :)
ReplyDeleteoh Emily I am just feeling and hearing your heart so much - I can relate on so many levels! I am really considering organizing some sort of local bloggers meet up...not for the usual "meet and greet business gain" purpose but for more of a deep, encouraging, inspiring time...it is so easy to feel isolated making it impossible to feel authentic in our online space isn't it? You are on my heart today, hang in there mama.
DeleteOh thank you so much! i think i'm so nervous because i had a really difficult time with Sky (but didn't realize it until AFTER i was out of it). It would be wonderful to get together with other locals sometime just to talk! Starting in April, I'll be on maternity leave ALL SUMMER! :)
DeleteOh man. girl... I feel as if I could have written this.
ReplyDeleteWe still own our old home back in our old town. It didn't sell by the time we needed to move by so we're renting it out. Which means we're renting in our new town.
I have had the same problem. Not wanting to fully settle in. It's hard not having your home be your "own". My prayer has been the same. That this year I would settle in... make this place cozy for my family. It's just such an unsettling feeling not knowing if we'll be in this same house in a year. Lord knows I'm tired enough with 3 almost 4 babies and the thought of working hard to settle in somewhere only to have to move again in a year is hard.
So THANKYOU for your post. It came at just the right time today:)
oh Ashley - thank you for your sweet words and for understanding my heart too! I hear you - pregnancy and moving and parenting is all so much intense work but settling in feels so good too...prayers for you as you prepare to welcome baby #4!!
Deletehonestly I love what you've already done to that house...it's so much more inviting than when we lived there...but you always dream big so i'm excited to see what you do!
ReplyDeletei always tell jeff one of the things i love most about your family is that you guys really "live" where you're at...I actually think you already do what Kristen suggested...I remember thinking that first Christmas you were in the house- "they put christmas lights up"- we never do that! I feel like I'm constantly in a state of "what will our forever home be like?" that I often miss just enjoying where I'm at. obviously we've been out of touch this year or I would know you're heart more but from an outsiders perspective I think you're better at turning a house into a home and putting your stamp on it way more that you give yourself credit for.
here's to pushing the "play" button in 2013! love you.
Such an incredibly sweet and generous comment Jenny - thank you for allowing my family to live in your home and "settle in" the way that we like. I have always been so inspired by your eye for design and the ways that you encourage me to dream big and have a vision for a space...never will ever forget painting the crap out of that tiny house in Shoreline with you...oh man that was so fun! ...oh and that first Christmas we put up the lights but they didn't work :) ha! love you Jenny and can not wait to get my hands dirty on your place :)
Deleteoooh yesssss. I got a new lens for xmas and I can play with it tomorrow! Kristen always seems to have the most wisdom (I don't know her but feel like I do from this space). So glad God has given you the courage to make that space yours. I need a little more of that this year.
ReplyDeletethanks my sweet friend - hoping to spend some time with you in this new year!
DeleteWell, actually, I think it was you who told me you were ready to open your heart to your home...and I said, "Bloom where you're planted, right?" :) It's been growing in you these past months--this invitation to dive in, to do what you are made to do. I am so glad you are saying "Yes!!" I am just--and will always be--cheering you on, sister! I love how the Lord is leading you, so gently, so persistently, so faithfully; you are a continual inspiration and encouragement to my heart! Jenny's right: you guys really do *live* where you're at... but you know the ways you are holding back... your gifts, your dreams. So excited to share life with you and watch the beauty in you flow out in greater measure into your home and relationships and endeavors. Jesus will give you all the strength you need--that's a promise! And don't worry about being imperfect or messy--being crafty and creative and inspiring requires a mess, inherently! Such a precious gift you offer here, post after post, as you share your heart and your process with all those who read your blog, as you give God all the glory along the way. I love you.
ReplyDeleteoh you - what can I say you're the sweetest...and whatever you said that morning inspired me as per usual! Thanks for the constant love, support and wisdom. I loved that line too from Jenny, "pause" to "play" and the way that it so describes my heart and the more personal things I am working through how that translates into playing out my freedom and joy through creating! Love you so Kristen!!
Deletep.s. I love Jenny's last line... from "pause" to "play"... but also, God is inviting you to *play*-- with the freedom and joy and focus of a child, as you create and just go for it this year.
ReplyDeleteRebekah, this post was such a good read for my soul today. We are renters as well. I hear your struggles. I'm happy to read through these comments that you know and love Jesus. That just makes my heart smile. And, one of these days, I'm going to join in on the Ten on Ten! I'm dying to-- just need to make the jump and do it! : )
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Rebekah!! Wishing you a blessed and year full of joy and happiness!! Looking forward to seeing all your beautiful photos this year!! xo Heather
ReplyDeleteI look forward to you sharing some photos of the ways you put your stamp on your current home!!
ReplyDeleteHi Rebekah, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I lived in rentals for 6 years while overseas and it did bring me down so many times that I do not really have a home an my own space that I could turn into what I like. I cross my fingers for you so u can do it.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a Happy new year full of love, happiness and inspiration xxx Sonishka
Hey, if you wanna, come join my Golden Hour 52 weeks Project. More info here: http://sonishka.blogspot.sk/p/photo-challenge-golden-hour-52-weeks.html
I am so excited to witness your "play" button. You are always so creative and inspiring!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you Rebekah!
So thrilled to see what you decide to do! Even the little bit you've shared sounds stunning! And, I like how Jenny and Kristen both have mentioned the word, "play" (in both of its meanings). What a great word picture for this new season for you!
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