the grey

A few days ago I glanced at my reflection in our bathroom mirror and spotted a huge grey hair poking out of my auburn mess. It made me laugh. I have always hated my hair more than anything. It has been a lifelong curse and no I did not adopt that mantra from Anne of Green Gables although her character has always been one I have related too. Actually as a young girl I remember lying in bed at night pleading with the Lord to make my hair long and straight. Mine is frizzy and oh so curly and unruly – and well, it’s red so pretty much junior high was not my fav. At just under 5’8” I weighed about a hundred pounds and my hair was about half of that weight. Ronald McDonald and I could have been cousins.

A couple of times I took to writing letters to God in detail explaining how he had messed up and had given me the wrong hair. No one in my family has red OR curly hair so it must have been meant for some other child but certainly not me. I would address the letters and everything and place them on the highest shelf in my closet so that the angels would retrieve them and hand deliver them to the Lord himself (true story)...but every morning I would wake up and reach up and touch my hair to see if it was different – It never did turn long and straight.

A life long curse I tell you.

When I found the grey hair I had actually gone into the bathroom for a tissue to wipe some tears from my cheeks after what has seemed like an endlessly long hard week for our family. The grey seemed to be the perfect reminder that I am indeed a full-grown adult now and many of the things on our plate are for real, major adult things.

Last week Chris found himself out of work. We have three kids and obviously I work inside the home so that means we are without any income. No insurance. A mortgage we were barely making with the job and no real savings. Plus we have been desperately trying to sell our old house for the past year and a half to no avail. So we have been forced to make the decision to sell our new home too.

We know it is the right thing to do as we process what God has for us next but it is without a doubt one of the hardest times we have seen in our married life. I vacillated about sharing such personal information here on my blog but have decided that it feels more comfortable to honestly share. Especially since I will not be giving up on things like our dinner at eight date nights or finding time to fulfill the crafty needs of my heart. I feel like it is easier to wear it all out on my sleeve and to live out what I mean when I say a bit of sunshine – even when skies are grey.

I am a grown woman now and have learned to deal with silly things like my hair. I recently was turned on to a treatment called Keratin Complex. It is a product made with lambs wool and a single application makes frizzy unruly hair softer and straighter without fussing around with irons and blow dryers. The moment I heard about it I was begging Mr. Gough for it but at $350 bucks a pop that’s kind of a big commitment. He agreed though after giving him my best “eyes” (you know what I am talking about ladies the ones that usually do the trick) and was beyond excited for my first treatment. While working on my hair this amazing sweet stylist was asking me all about what I do. I mentioned that I made jewelry as a side job and she loved the piece I was wearing. She instantly asked me if I would ever consider doing trade for jewelry instead of paying cash.

Um, let me think about it – YES!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? This expensive hair treatment that makes my hair long and straight has suddenly become way totally affordable?

In that instant the Lord said clearly to my heart:

“I have answered your letters Rebekah. I love you and have not forgotten after all these years your desires for straight hair”

I am reminded by the grey that the Lord knows it all. He knows each and every hair on my head, he knows what job is next, he knows that there is a cute little rental around the corner for my family and I to decorate and love. He sees all the hard things and weaves blessings and joy in the midst of each day.

I wanted you guys to know where we are at though and that things might look a tiny bit differently around here for a bit. I am not going anywhere I promise but we are on a new leg of our journey and it is unfolding as we speak. We list our house tomorrow and have been working night and day to clean it and get it ready to show. We are also on the job hunt.

And God is good, he is faithful and he does know the desires of our heart. He loves so wildly and perfectly and lavishly bestows goodness on his children. I have much to rejoice over and am actually kind of excited to see how it will all turn out scary as it may be. And after all these years I like my hair a bit more now. I have worked hard at loosening my grip of insecurities around it. My husband loves it and the color has even turned into a handsome shade of Auburn. It’s not long and shiny and straight but it is mine and I know God gave it to me for a reason. I see it every time someone goes crazy for Levi’s wild curls and wants to know where he got them. I am beaming with pride over how perfect my children are to me. I see now how much more God’s love is for His children and how He has us tightly in the palm of His hand reminding me that he does not make mistakes.

Thanks for letting me share my heart with you, you’re all a huge blessing in my life.


  1. One of the first reasons I started reading your (last) blog was your hair. I figured anyone with hair that pretty would write about beautiful things, too.

    I am so sorry about your husband's job and your home and all the heartache and stress that comes with it.

    I love how you connected it all to a desire in your heart being given to you. I am praying that will only be a precursor to more care for your family.

  2. i love you, rebekah. we are excited, too, to see how God will continue to reveal himself and his love to you on this next leg of the journey! such a beautifully written post, my dear. xoxo

  3. i love anne of green gables and her hair!
    But seriously now, thank you for sharing. It's those times in the grey where we really gotta be thankful Gods walking right there with you guys. I'll be praying for you, that waiting for His perfect timing will be filled with great things for you and your family.
    danielle @ the ravenna girls

  4. scary and exciting - I know something better awaits.

    prayers for you :)

  5. Oh, sweet friend, this is such a beautiful post! You are handling everything that is going on in your life right now with such grace + courage. We are praying praying praying over here that God provides the perfect little home for your family + an absolutely perfect job for Chris- I have no double that He will!

    Love you and your beautiful heart so so much...

    P.S. I have always always loved your hair! And don't worry- I am part of the growing grey club over here too... :)

  6. I'm with Andi-- I, too, love your hair and am definitely a part of the growing grey club!

    I'm also so impressed with how you are handling all of this and your openness in sharing it.

    Oh, and I'm so with you on realizing lately that we are officially grown-ups-- it's exciting and scary all at once!

    We're sending you guys love and prayers!

  7. I'm going to have to put Cora on the phone with you come junior high ;) Literally everywhere we go, nearly everyday, there are 3+ people who comment on her "gorgeous curly red hair." She loves it now, and I hope she continues too....I've always loved yours!

    And I'm so sorry you are in the midst of hard times. We continue to pray for your family, and I know that God has a wonderful plan for you all. xoxo!

  8. i happen to think your hair is lovely! but i totally understand...i also hated my thick frizzy hair in middle school. i still remember in 7th grade asking a girl with straight silky hair what shampoo she used, thinking if i just got the right product, somehow the texture of my hair would change!
    this is well written, thanks for sharing this post. these last few months have been an incredible journey for my family as well. sometimes it's hard to keep trusting God when your world is turned upside down, but He always provides in the most unexpected ways.

  9. Don't ever worry about oversharing here - this is YOUR space and we are your readers because we support you! God will provide, and we will all be lifting the five of you up in prayer every chance we get. ~brianne @ the ravenna girls

  10. You are precious. Please listen to this: :)

  11. thinking of you with all these challenges you're facing. I can totally relate to hating frizzy hair - I've been contemplating cutting mine all off - though not sure if having it short will make things more or less manageable.

  12. Stumbled upon your blog a day or so ago.. love it.
    Your transparency and glory given to God is refreshing and makes me smile. Praising God for the plans He has set before you-

  13. Thanks for sharing; sharing the reality is hard and I admire you for that! My family and I have experienced a very similar situation and it is sad and scary. How wonderful that you know that you are the apple of His eye and that He works everything for the good and glory:) Prayers for you and your family. I Love your place here:)

  14. My husband & I have been there with job losses {even in our short year and a half of marriage} and the Lord ALWAYS provides just when we need it. I keep reminding myself, "when has He ever let me down?" Answer - never. :)

    Keep clinging to the Jehovah Jireh - The LORD Will Provide!

  15. gads...I am so sorry...

    I wish I could find words to say, but what is there? it will get better? How about this...I am a photographer and if you are ever in the Harrisburg area, you have a free family (or mom fashion) strings attached...with's nothing, but maybe it could be something of cheer...?

  16. My sweet sister Rebekah. From the moment we met I wanted to be like you. At the time, that meant having long slender legs, beautiful hair, cute clothes and a lot of laughter. Now, so many years later, while you still have all of those things, that is not why I want to be like you. You are hopeful when others despair; you are loyal when others leave; and you are full of love when others hold back. You are such a powerful picture of Jesus' love in my life.

    I'm praying for good things ahead and thanking Him for all the good things He has done. xxoox

  17. Of course Claire has to take this already emotional, beautiful, faithful, inspirational post just one step further with her incredible insight. YOU are that person to so many...I love you through the good and the bad and I know God is in it all.

    I want to be there for you Rebekah in whatever way I can. This has been such a hard season but the Christian faith is all about death and resurrection so I know what is just around the corner...there will be sweetness again, in the fullest...but bless you for discovering it in the midst of pain.

    you inspire.

  18. Dear Rebekah:

    Thank you, thank you so much for sharing all of this! You don´t know how or why, but you´re a blessing for me, today! Thank you!!!

    Congrats for your words, your pictures, your way to see life. To accept the good and the bad. To talk about God!!!

    May Him be with all of you all the time!
    Kisses and blessings.

    from Brazil

  19. Everyone has been so eloquent, but I just want to say that I am sorry about the job loss and the stress in your life -- you are dealing with them with such grace! I'm going through some tough stuff myself (financially and otherwise) and you're faith and optimism is positively inspiring.

    (I, too, have huge, curly auburn hair--I laughed as I read about your struggles as I completely sympathize!)


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