A few days ago I glanced at my reflection in our bathroom mirror and spotted a huge grey hair poking out of my auburn mess. It made me laugh. I have always hated my hair more than anything. It has been a lifelong curse and no I did not adopt that mantra from Anne of Green Gables although her character has always been one I have related too. Actually as a young girl I remember lying in bed at night pleading with the Lord to make my hair long and straight. Mine is frizzy and oh so curly and unruly – and well, it’s red so pretty much junior high was not my fav. At just under 5’8” I weighed about a hundred pounds and my hair was about half of that weight. Ronald McDonald and I could have been cousins.
A couple of times I took to writing letters to God in detail explaining how he had messed up and had given me the wrong hair. No one in my family has red OR curly hair so it must have been meant for some other child but certainly not me. I would address the letters and everything and place them on the highest shelf in my closet so that the angels would retrieve them and hand deliver them to the Lord himself (true story)...but every morning I would wake up and reach up and touch my hair to see if it was different – It never did turn long and straight.
A life long curse I tell you.
When I found the grey hair I had actually gone into the bathroom for a tissue to wipe some tears from my cheeks after what has seemed like an endlessly long hard week for our family. The grey seemed to be the perfect reminder that I am indeed a full-grown adult now and many of the things on our plate are for real, major adult things.
Last week Chris found himself out of work. We have three kids and obviously I work inside the home so that means we are without any income. No insurance. A mortgage we were barely making with the job and no real savings. Plus we have been desperately trying to sell our old house for the past year and a half to no avail. So we have been forced to make the decision to sell our new home too.
We know it is the right thing to do as we process what God has for us next but it is without a doubt one of the hardest times we have seen in our married life. I vacillated about sharing such personal information here on my blog but have decided that it feels more comfortable to honestly share. Especially since I will not be giving up on things like our dinner at eight date nights or finding time to fulfill the crafty needs of my heart. I feel like it is easier to wear it all out on my sleeve and to live out what I mean when I say a bit of sunshine – even when skies are grey.
I am a grown woman now and have learned to deal with silly things like my hair. I recently was turned on to a treatment called Keratin Complex. It is a product made with lambs wool and a single application makes frizzy unruly hair softer and straighter without fussing around with irons and blow dryers. The moment I heard about it I was begging Mr. Gough for it but at $350 bucks a pop that’s kind of a big commitment. He agreed though after giving him my best “eyes” (you know what I am talking about ladies the ones that usually do the trick) and was beyond excited for my first treatment. While working on my hair this amazing sweet stylist was asking me all about what I do. I mentioned that I made jewelry as a side job and she loved the piece I was wearing. She instantly asked me if I would ever consider doing trade for jewelry instead of paying cash.
Um, let me think about it – YES!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? This expensive hair treatment that makes my hair long and straight has suddenly become way totally affordable?
In that instant the Lord said clearly to my heart:
“I have answered your letters Rebekah. I love you and have not forgotten after all these years your desires for straight hair”
I am reminded by the grey that the Lord knows it all. He knows each and every hair on my head, he knows what job is next, he knows that there is a cute little rental around the corner for my family and I to decorate and love. He sees all the hard things and weaves blessings and joy in the midst of each day.
I wanted you guys to know where we are at though and that things might look a tiny bit differently around here for a bit. I am not going anywhere I promise but we are on a new leg of our journey and it is unfolding as we speak. We list our house tomorrow and have been working night and day to clean it and get it ready to show. We are also on the job hunt.
And God is good, he is faithful and he does know the desires of our heart. He loves so wildly and perfectly and lavishly bestows goodness on his children. I have much to rejoice over and am actually kind of excited to see how it will all turn out scary as it may be. And after all these years I like my hair a bit more now. I have worked hard at loosening my grip of insecurities around it. My husband loves it and the color has even turned into a handsome shade of Auburn. It’s not long and shiny and straight but it is mine and I know God gave it to me for a reason. I see it every time someone goes crazy for Levi’s wild curls and wants to know where he got them. I am beaming with pride over how perfect my children are to me. I see now how much more God’s love is for His children and how He has us tightly in the palm of His hand reminding me that he does not make mistakes.
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you, you’re all a huge blessing in my life.