the gift of a birthday
When I married Chris almost ten years ago of course I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I mean every young bride does. He had picked me to spend his life with him and that in and of itself has always been more than overwhelming.
But honestly no young bride has any clue of what is laid before her as she steps down off of the alter as a new wife. I have become a mother four times, we have lived in four different homes, we have celebrated over a decade of holidays and birthdays and date nights and such.
Last night we went to my in-laws house for our annual fall birthday feast. All four of the daughters in law as well as my sweet husband have a birthday within just a few weeks and so each fall Paula spoils us with a huge, beautiful dinner and cake to kick off the season. There was a moment during the evening when we were all sitting together at the table cracking up and sending random group text messages under the table and teasing each other about who knows what. All of us lined up with our gifts and hopes, joys and wounds and hearts and kids snuggled on laps and screams from boys being tickled by uncles and cousins.
I literally thought I was going to explode.
I was not born into a family that did this sort of thing. We were badly broken by the time I was six and by the time I married Chris I think any shred of hope for this kind of gathering had been so lost that even when I have attended family events over the years I was never been able to recognize it.
But last night was different, an awakening of sorts my heart was quiet enough to simple enjoy and take in the gift and blessing of my sweet family for once without wondering if I measure up or belong. It was the most beautiful birthday celebration I have ever attended and I have tears on my face as I write this.
I am a deeply blessed woman. As I begin my thirty third year I am feeling much more reflective and quiet. I feel life speeding up and the risk of missing it crouching at my door. I long to be an authentic woman who shares her heart freely and simply and above all I want to trust God. I am so weary of simply trying to please Him - I want to live into the freedom that is trusting Him.
This space has been quieter as of late as I mull over the seasons ahead and the hope that I have for A Bit of Sunshine as a place of encouragement, community, inspiration and truth. But I am here and I am excited about the future. I feel strength growing inside of me that I have never recognized before. Thank you for being here with me, for sharing life with me in this space.
Now to officially welcome this season with open arms, this new year of life that I have been so generously given. My family and friends you are all the best birthday gift I could have ever imagined and I am excited about what number 33 will hold!