Our sweet Zeb is two months old today! It is pretty hard to wrap my mind around that number it seems like literally two days ago that he was born. My heart is still swimming with such emotions around the events leading up to his birth. The twelve-day hospital stay. The wheel chair that brought me from what was supposed to be a routine doctors appointment to the hospital in fearful sobs. In so many ways I want to write it all down, every last little detail so I don't forget it but in other ways I want to keep it all to myself bottled up in the form of deep emotions. I will never ever forget those.
After the shock of being told I would not be allowed to go home again until after my baby was born finally wore off and I was alone in my hospital room I spent a lot of time reflecting on my pregnancy especially knowing it would be my last. Another baby after the year we had had was most definitely not what we planned on and I confess that my attitude about even being pregnant was pretty bad. I was worried to my core that having another baby so close in age to our last would send me into the deep dark depression I experienced when my first two babies were born so close in age. I was worried about my body and it being able to sustain and carry a fourth baby especially since all the doctors I spoke too thought that a fourth baby was a dangerous idea for my delicate womb. I was worried about undergoing a fourth c-section and recovering from hardcore abdominal surgery with four little ones to care for.
Frankly I was kind of mad about the whole thing and grumbled and complained a lot and then to top it off with hospital bed rest and being away from my three young children it all just seemed so incredibly unfair.
But the craziest thing happened to my heart during those long days and nights. God really came in and brought me deep peace and joy and hope that He really knew exactly what He was doing. He kept whispering to my heart that He had a surprise for me one that He had planned so perfectly and it was on the brink of arrival - my baby was coming and God was preparing Him special for our family!
Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
During those hospital days Chris and I were still on the hunt for the perfect boy name. We had Hazel picked for a girl but it my gut I knew we needed a boy name too. Nothing really seemed to grab our attention and so one afternoon I asked Chris to read aloud the passage of scripture that lists out the twelve tribes of Israel. Simon and Levi are both tribes and although we did not plan to go that route when we chose Josie for our daughter (you can read about that HERE) it just seemed so perfect since the male form, Joseph is also among the tribes. So Chris read the list to me. We had been considering Rueben and calling him Ben for short but I honestly just didn't feel like it was quite right. Some of the tribes of Israel have pretty wild names and so we were sort of joking about a few of them. When Chris read Zebulun I laughed and said, "we could just call him Zeb"...
Really it was the briefest mention of a name we would never have considered but over the course of the next few days I kept saying it to myself letting it roll around a bit. Finally I got to the point where I just needed to know what it meant so I went ahead and googled the name Zeb.
"a gift from the Lord, or dwelling place"
I literally burst into tears and knew it was the name we had been looking for. I think Chris knew too he had been thinking about it almost as much as me. We also knew that it would be faced with some pretty mixed reviews. Our oldest Simon really did not like it at first - his comment was:
"Zeb? Zeb is not a name we should just go with Zak..yeah I like Zak better" :) (for the record he likes the name just fine now)
So on the night our third son and fourth child was born during an emergency c-section to avoid uterine rupture because of a rare uterine abnormality I lay on the operating table with the deepest anticipation. Eyes wide open I tried to take in every little thing going on around me. The smell, the bright white lights, the hushed voices of the two doctors and several nurses attending our high-risk premature birth. When I heard the tiniest most precious cry from literally one of the healthiest 35-week preemies ever born (trust me they all told me a bazillion times how amazing he was for being early!) my heart exploded with more love than ever before. I felt an instant maternal love for my new son immediately and burst into tears but I also felt the deepest love from my God who had sustained me through a very rough pregnancy and placed a special surprise gift from Him in my arms!
Our little Zeb has been an awesome baby so far. I am not going to lie to you and tell you it has been super easy. I am exhausted most days from sleep depravation (this guy likes to eat every two to three hours still) and my world is pretty wild caring for four little ones including a toddler who is a full time job on her own! But he is a wonderful baby that truly does complete our family perfectly.
He is our little gift (I mean they all are really) an added bonus, and boy do we feel lucky to have him! Happy two months Mr. Zebbie or Zebbers as we like to call you, you're pretty stinking adorable and we all love you with our whole hearts!
ps. I also thought I would mention that Zeb's middle name, Anselmo was my Grandfathers name and means "helmet of God" also seemed fitting as a baby with three older siblings - a little protection might be nice :)