Zeb



Our sweet Zeb is two months old today! It is pretty hard to wrap my mind around that number it seems like literally two days ago that he was born. My heart is still swimming with such emotions around the events leading up to his birth. The twelve-day hospital stay. The wheel chair that brought me from what was supposed to be a routine doctors appointment to the hospital in fearful sobs. In so many ways I want to write it all down, every last little detail so I don't forget it but in other ways I want to keep it all to myself bottled up in the form of deep emotions. I will never ever forget those. 

After the shock of being told I would not be allowed to go home again until after my baby was born finally wore off and I was alone in my hospital room I spent a lot of time reflecting on my pregnancy especially knowing it would be my last. Another baby after the year we had had was most definitely not what we planned on and I confess that my attitude about even being pregnant was pretty bad. I was worried to my core that having another baby so close in age to our last would send me into the deep dark depression I experienced when my first two babies were born so close in age. I was worried about my body and it being able to sustain and carry a fourth baby especially since all the doctors I spoke too thought that a fourth baby was a dangerous idea for my delicate womb. I was worried about undergoing a fourth c-section and recovering from hardcore abdominal surgery with four little ones to care for.

Frankly I was kind of mad about the whole thing and grumbled and complained a lot and then to top it off with hospital bed rest and being away from my three young children it all just seemed so incredibly unfair.

But the craziest thing happened to my heart during those long days and nights. God really came in and brought me deep peace and joy and hope that He really knew exactly what He was doing. He kept whispering to my heart that He had a surprise for me one that He had planned so perfectly and it was on the brink of arrival - my baby was coming and God was preparing Him special for our family!

Don't you see that children are God's best gift? 
The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
 psalm 127:3




During those hospital days Chris and I were still on the hunt for the perfect boy name. We had Hazel picked for a girl but it my gut I knew we needed a boy name too. Nothing really seemed to grab our attention and so one afternoon I asked Chris to read aloud the passage of scripture that lists out the twelve tribes of Israel. Simon and Levi are both tribes and although we did not plan to go that route when we chose Josie for our daughter (you can read about that HERE) it just seemed so perfect since the male form, Joseph is also among the tribes. So Chris read the list to me. We had been considering Rueben and calling him Ben for short but I honestly just didn't feel like it was quite right. Some of the tribes of Israel have pretty wild names and so we were sort of joking about a few of them. When Chris read Zebulun I laughed and said, "we could just call him Zeb"...

Really it was the briefest mention of a name we would never have considered but over the course of the next few days I kept saying it to myself letting it roll around a bit. Finally I got to the point where I just needed to know what it meant so I went ahead and googled the name Zeb.

"a gift from the Lord, or dwelling place"

I literally burst into tears and knew it was the name we had been looking for. I think Chris knew too he had been thinking about it almost as much as me. We also knew that it would be faced with some pretty mixed reviews. Our oldest Simon really did not like it at first - his comment was:

"Zeb? Zeb is not a name we should just go with Zak..yeah I like Zak better" :) (for the record he likes the name just fine now)

So on the night our third son and fourth child was born during an emergency c-section to avoid uterine rupture because of a rare uterine abnormality I lay on the operating table with the deepest anticipation. Eyes wide open I tried to take in every little thing going on around me. The smell, the bright white lights, the hushed voices of the two doctors and several nurses attending our high-risk premature birth. When I heard the tiniest most precious cry from literally one of the healthiest 35-week preemies ever born (trust me they all told me a bazillion times how amazing he was for being early!) my heart exploded with more love than ever before. I felt an instant maternal love for my new son immediately and burst into tears but I also felt the deepest love from my God who had sustained me through a very rough pregnancy and placed a special surprise gift from Him in my arms!


Our little Zeb has been an awesome baby so far. I am not going to lie to you and tell you it has been super easy. I am exhausted most days from sleep depravation (this guy likes to eat every two to three hours still) and my world is pretty wild caring for four little ones including a toddler who is a full time job on her own! But he is a wonderful baby that truly does complete our family perfectly.

He is our little gift (I mean they all are really) an added bonus, and boy do we feel lucky to have him! Happy two months Mr. Zebbie or Zebbers as we like to call you, you're pretty stinking adorable and we all love you with our whole hearts!

ps. I also thought I would mention that Zeb's middle name, Anselmo was my Grandfathers name and means "helmet of God" also seemed fitting as a baby with three older siblings - a little protection might be nice :)

19 comments:

  1. Awe... I LOVED reading this! You have all been so blessed... and thank you for your wonderful testimony! It is so refreshing to read this and hear how you trusted in the Lord. :) How you do it with four is beyond me. I feel worn out with a 3.5 year old and a 3.5 month old!!!

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  2. Thank you for sharing so honestly. It reminded me a lot of my pregnancy with my fourth baby. I wasn't too thrilled about it. I too had c-sections, my first was for twin girls and the second for my son. I was so exhausted and feared that I couldn't care for another baby. But then you go into "that mode" and the fears start to turn to excitement. Sadly my heart never got to fully change because I lost the baby after 12 weeks. My previous feelings really impacted my grieving. I'm so grateful that you got that little gift and God radically changed your heart to love that sweet baby. His ways are perfect.

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  3. what a sweet post. he is adorable!

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  4. I am so grateful that God can take the hardest things and teach us so beautifully, he is writing his own story...for his glory, not ours and you are obedient rebekah (even if a little unwilling at first...he knows we are human). Thank you for sharing your "ashes into beauty" story and for your courage! We love you and all 4 of your amazing children- truly gifts from God!

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  5. God is so good. What a beautiful story--made me tear up! Sending prayers and well wishes to you and your family!

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  6. Oh, friend! This is so so beautiful! Even though I heard the story from you already, reading it brought tears to my eyes- God is so so good! Love that He chose to bless your little family with sweet Zeb. I can't wait to meet him in person! Thank you for sharing your heart so openly- it is so inspiring + encouraging to me. Love you so much!
    xo

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  7. Love you, baby Zebbie!! What a beautiful post, Rebekah! I teared up when I read it and felt so thankful for this new little, perfect life!!

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  8. Such a beautiful post! God is always looking out for us and will never give us more than we are capable of handling. Zeb is a precious baby boy and such a miracle for God, well all children are!

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  9. Such a sweet and wonderful story. Can't wait to see how he grows into your amazing little gamily!

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  10. Beautiful post and a gentle reminder to my soul as I round the corner on 30 weeks with our very much surprise third baby (a girl after two boys)!!She is a true gift from God, never a burden and I should be so lucky to have her in our family.
    Blessings to you and your sweet sweet family.

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  11. your deep and tender heart is so beautiful to behold--in your writing, and also in the real life moments we spend together. i love how you seek the LORD, rebekah, and expect to hear His voice speaking into your desires, your fears, your joys. it is such a gift to be your gough sister, to be the aunt of your children, to walk the journey of life with you as close friends... i love that we were there to welcome each one of your babes into the world when they were all so fresh from your womb!--to bear witness to these stories and to be able to add our own memories and reflections to them, affirming God's intimate involvement and goodness in their very beginnings in this world. i will never forget seeing you and chris come down the hall with zeb snuggled on your chest, that huge, radiant smile on your face. you all were so healthy and happy and full of the beauty of life and God's love. this is such a special post, and these photos of you and your fourth baby are just perfect! love you all.

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  12. such a lovely story.
    may God richly bless you and your tribe. ;)
    xo

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  13. Thank you so much Rebekah. It's such a wonderful blessing to get glimpses into one another's hearts. I'll tell you, being pregnant with twins comes with a mixed bag of emotions. All the worry and discomfort and grouchiness mixed with the joy and anticipation. . . reading your story reminds me that the hardships that come with motherhood are as much of a blessing as the warm and fuzzies. You are such a blessed woman and you helped remind me that I am as well.

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  14. i looooove this post so much rebekah and your heart as a mother!
    you look beautiful and we cannnnot wait to meet little zeb :)

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  15. What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it with us, you're an inspiration!

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  16. i'm exhausted with 2 [20 months apart], i don't know how you do it! thank you for sharing your story...it is amazing how God provides. my mom had us 4 kids in 5 years and we all get along so well now, family gatherings are always a blast!

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  17. Such a touching story! Glad I'm finally returning to my reader-feed to read it! Congrats again, mama! Here's to sleep!! Whenever and however long it comes!

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