deep breaths :: a tutu moment
Josie is finally getting into some of her 3-6 month clothes and I realized that the darling pink skirt my sister bought her was probably going to fit soon. When I decided to try it on her my mind flashed back to almost exactly a year ago and how I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would be putting a tutu on my daughter today. Last February when I found out I was pregnant and confessed that I really wanted a girl I was faced with a bit of opposition and criticism. I know that all we should really hope for as expectant Moms is a healthy little one and I am lucky to even have the opportunity to carry children but something deep inside me was aching so loudly that I could hardly bear it. I had no choice but to go to the Lord and plead with him, desperately tell him of the longing in my heart. Specifically. No beating around the bush, a true bear it all kind of intimacy with the Lord.
Truthfully I didn't believe he loved me enough to hear me but I was so so wrong. Today when I dressed Josie for the first time in such a girly little skirt my heart burst again with just how much God knows my heart and how it has taken me thirty years to begin to trust him with it. Of course my desires for a daughter have nil to do with the clothes I get to buy for her that is just icing on the cake. Nor does it mean that she doesn't come with a whole host of work and challenges (oh yes she did scream bloody murder per usual today in the car - just like every other time she has been in the car, my poor sweet boys rocking her car seat and desperately trying to give her the binky) but her presence in my life is a constant reminder of how deeply and intimately God wants to know me..why is it so easy to forget?
It seems that life is so much easier for me if I can be in control and I confess that I so often think just that - that I am actually in control. Today Jesus is reminding me to come running to him and tell him all the deep, specific things on my heart. He might not always answer me in the way that I ask but I do know that he loves me enough to listen and respond in his perfect way.
My life is so far from perfection, we have many hard things on the table right now. But today for a few minutes I let myself get lost in the truth that no matter what God Loves - he loves me, he desperately loves you and he wants to know, everything.
We named our girl Josie because it means Jehovah will increase, may he continue to increase my faith and trust in his perfect love. Thanks for letting me share the simple pleasures of a pink tutu friends I hope your evening is blessed! xoxo
and please excuse the incredibly dirty mirror picture - ha!