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Our
sweet Zeb is two months old today! It is pretty hard to wrap my mind around
that number it seems like literally two days ago that he was born. My heart is
still swimming with such emotions around the events leading up to his birth.
The twelve-day hospital stay. The wheel chair that brought me from what was supposed
to be a routine doctors appointment to the hospital in fearful sobs. In so many
ways I want to write it all down, every last little detail so I don't forget it
but in other ways I want to keep it all to myself bottled up in the form
of deep emotions. I will never ever forget those.
After
the shock of being told I would not be allowed to go home again until after my
baby was born finally wore off and I was alone in my hospital room I spent a
lot of time reflecting on my pregnancy especially knowing it would be my last.
Another baby after the year we had had was most definitely not what we planned
on and I confess that my attitude about even being pregnant was pretty bad. I
was worried to my core that having another baby so close in age to our last
would send me into the deep dark depression I experienced when my first two
babies were born so close in age. I was worried about my body and it being able
to sustain and carry a fourth baby especially since all the doctors I spoke too
thought that a fourth baby was a dangerous idea for my delicate womb. I was
worried about undergoing a fourth c-section and recovering from hardcore
abdominal surgery with four little ones to care for.
Frankly
I was kind of mad about the whole thing and grumbled and complained a lot and
then to top it off with hospital bed rest and being away from my three young
children it all just seemed so incredibly unfair.
But
the craziest thing happened to my heart during those long days and nights. God
really came in and brought me deep peace and joy and hope that He really knew
exactly what He was doing. He kept whispering to my heart that He had a surprise for me one that He had planned
so perfectly and it was on the brink of arrival - my baby was coming and God
was preparing Him special for our family!
Don't you see that children are God's
best gift?
The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
psalm 127:3
During
those hospital days Chris and I were still on the hunt for the perfect boy
name. We had Hazel picked for a girl but it my gut I knew we needed a boy name
too. Nothing really seemed to grab our attention and so one afternoon I asked Chris
to read aloud the passage of scripture that lists out the twelve tribes of
Israel. Simon and Levi are both tribes and although we did not plan to go that
route when we chose Josie for our daughter (you can read about that HERE) it
just seemed so perfect since the male form, Joseph is also among the tribes. So
Chris read the list to me. We had been considering Rueben and calling him Ben
for short but I honestly just didn't feel like it was quite right. Some of the
tribes of Israel have pretty wild names and so we were sort of joking about a
few of them. When Chris read Zebulun I laughed and said, "we could just
call him Zeb"...
Really
it was the briefest mention of a name we would never have considered but over
the course of the next few days I kept saying it to myself letting it roll
around a bit. Finally I got to the point where I just needed to know what it
meant so I went ahead and googled the name Zeb.
"a gift from the Lord, or dwelling
place"
I
literally burst into tears and knew it was the name we had been looking for. I
think Chris knew too he had been thinking about it almost as much as me. We
also knew that it would be faced with some pretty mixed reviews. Our oldest
Simon really did not like it at first - his comment was:
"Zeb?
Zeb is not a name we should just go with Zak..yeah I like Zak better" :)
(for the record he likes the name just fine now)
So
on the night our third son and fourth child was born during an emergency
c-section to avoid uterine rupture because of a rare uterine abnormality I lay
on the operating table with the deepest anticipation. Eyes wide open I tried to
take in every little thing going on around me. The smell, the bright white
lights, the hushed voices of the two doctors and several nurses attending our high-risk
premature birth. When I heard the tiniest most precious cry from literally one
of the healthiest 35-week preemies ever born (trust me they all told me a
bazillion times how amazing he was for being early!) my heart exploded with
more love than ever before. I felt an instant maternal love for my new son immediately
and burst into tears but I also felt the deepest love from my God who had
sustained me through a very rough pregnancy and placed a special surprise gift
from Him in my arms!
Our
little Zeb has been an awesome baby so far. I am not going to lie to you and
tell you it has been super easy. I am exhausted most days from sleep
depravation (this guy likes to eat every two to three hours still) and my world
is pretty wild caring for four little ones including a toddler who is a full
time job on her own! But he is a wonderful baby that truly does complete our
family perfectly.
He
is our little gift (I mean they all are really) an added bonus, and boy do we
feel lucky to have him! Happy two months Mr. Zebbie or Zebbers as we like to
call you, you're pretty stinking adorable and we all love you with our whole
hearts!
ps.
I also thought I would mention that Zeb's middle name, Anselmo was my Grandfathers
name and means "helmet of God" also seemed fitting as a baby with three older siblings - a little protection might be nice :)
